The Husband: Dana, you need to add an ‘About’ section to your website.
Me: I know, but I’m pretty sure writing a bio on myself could become Dangerously Boring, let alone making people read it. I’m fairly underwhelming in print.
The Husband: Well, I could write a bio for you. It will be professional and flattering. I promise not to quote old movies, steal TV jokes or use bad puns. A lot.
Me: Wow, thanks Winston. You’re the best! Thank you so much. (I did not say this. He typed this. I made an offensive hand gesture.)
Dreamer of Dangerously Bored, the personal and touching story of Dana
Some years ago – never mind how long precisely – having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world.
Me: Winston. Stop.
The Husband: What now? I was just getting started, setting the tone to create a narrative of your life.
Me: That has nothing to do with my life, you’re confusing me with Ishmael again and you said this write-up would be professional. You suck.
Winston: I assure you that this is professional, in fact future generations will study this prose to find the genius behind the words. Besides I thought you wanted a boat, I was working a boat into your back story.
Me: Try again. This time be serious. I mean, my site has been up for almost 2 years and I can’t manage a bio. It’s embarrassing. I can give you 5 pages right now on PeeWee Herman, but 2 sentences on me? No way.
The Husband: I got it. This is perfect.
“A women, a drifter, back from Vietnam, crosses paths with the wrong sheriff. The pristine beauty of the Pacific Northwest, ignorant brutality and a lost soldier. They drew First Blood. I hope you brought a lot of body bags.”
Me: (face palm) Jesus Christ. You’re fired. Once again, you’ve confused me with John Rambo.”
Winston: This stuff is solid gold. Fine, you’re on your own.
So here goes:
My name is Dana. I live in Cleveland, OH (motto: Land of Enchantment and Asphalt) on the shores of fragrant, viscous Lake Erie (motto: Not Even a Toe). I am a wife, mother, poodle herder, cat wrangler, a conductor on the illegal garage chicken underground railroad, friend, drunk texter, offensive meme maker, and movie lover. Oh, and writer. Yeah, I do that. I also own what many say is the creepiest pinata ever bought from a Mexican fencing operation. I’ve had 7 or 9 concussions. And I have big hair. Those last three may or may not be related incidents.
Welcome. Have a root about the site, maybe check out the top ten list. There’s funny stuff and sad stuff. This site is where I practice writing and do things that make me happy. I won’t try to sell you anything. Promise.
You can reach me at email@example.com. I’d love to hear from you.
*the cover art on DangerouslyBored is by local artist/photographer Lorie Freelan, all rights reserved. All other images on this site are either bad iPhone pictures by me or from sloppy internet searches.